


To The Maxxim

by MilToro



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Skits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-12
Updated: 2009-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:40:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilToro/pseuds/MilToro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy and Renee pose for the cameras.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To The Maxxim

LUCY - Okay, Ren, just lay back.

RENEE - Like this?

LL - Try to relax and get a little more comfortable. Okay. Try putting your arms up. Almost like being crucified. Over your head. [click] That's it. Surrender. Riiiight. [click] Just like that. [click] Okay, angle your face. Thaaaaat's it. [click] Great. You got it.

ROC - So is this for On Our Backs or Playboy?

LL - What difference does that make?

ROC - I want to know who's looking at me. [click]

LL - Why? [click]

ROC - Because, it'll help me give my look. [click]

LL - The fuckable look or the freshly fucked look?

ROC [giggles] - Both!

LL - Who cares? You won't be dating any of them, right? [click]

ROC - No, but...

LL - So what's your point?

ROC - You mean you didn't have anything in mind when you did those Maxxim photos?

LL - Nope. [click]

ROC - You didn't worry about how the fans would take it? [click]

LL - Not really, I was having too much fun.

ROC - What about your career? [click]

LL - What about it?

ROC - Did you think it would help it? Hurt it? [click]

LL - How would it hurt my career? I show just as much on Xena. It was just me instead my character. [click] This isn't the Dark Ages, you know. [click]

ROC - So, you weren't thinking that it would be mainly men viewing those pictures?

LL - No, I just put on the lace and leather and voila! Ms Tart.

ROC - All right, Ms Tarty Pants. Keep shooting.

[click] [click]

ROC - So what did Rob say?

LL [shrugs] - Nothing. He didn't dare.

ROC [laughs] - I bet Steve will say something. [click]

LL - Forget Steve. It's the Gabrielle fans you'll have to worry about.

ROC [in a Texas drawl] - Why, Miss Lucy, whatevah do you mean?

LL [laughs] - I can hear them now, railing about how praetorian I am. Or worse, how the writers are. [in a Kiwi Texas drawl] That sweet innocent little ol' Gabrielle done gone an' got huhself in a 'hole heap o'trouble wearin' that filthy longeree just because of that heathen Lucy gal. [click]

ROC [laughs] - So you don't think I should do the spread?

LL - Don't be silly, you should shake them up a bit. Show them that you're not your character. You're a grown woman and you can make your own decisions.

ROC - Uh, Lucy, this was your idea. [click]

LL [innocently] - Oh, was it? Come on, stand up and turn around. Look over your shoulder. [click] [click] That's it. The fuckable look.

ROC - I don't know, Lucy, you sure this will change my image?

LL [smirks] - Just a smidgen. [click] That's it, show off your bum a little. They like that. I heard my bum was, um, bite-able.

ROC - From a man or a woman?

LL [rolls her eyes] - Not that again. [click]

ROC - You sure I don't have to wear a towel or something over my bikini.

LL - What for? [click]

ROC - For the lesbians. Don't they want to think I have a brain or something? [click]

LL - Some do. I guess. But can't brains and breasts go together?

ROC - Well. Ye-ah.

Lucy stops snapping the camera.

ROC - What? What is it? Too much skin?

LL - No, no, there's something missing.

ROC - What?

LL - Hold on a second, I'll be right back.

Lucy goes into her house and returns moments later with a spray bottle.

LL - Here. We need to go for the wet look.

ROC - Huh? [Lucy sprays her chest] EYAAH!!! That's cold!!!

LL - Perfect. [click] Come on, Ren, don't cover up.

ROC - But my nipples are showing!

LL - So? Most women have them. Be proud of them. Come on, Ren, I showed mine. My top was practically see-through.

ROC [guffaws] - Don't I know it! [click][click]

LL - That's it. Great! [click] Now run your hands through your hair. [click]

ROC - What about my hair? Shouldn't it be wet too?

LL [smiles] - Great idea!

Renee dips her head in the pool and comes back to pose.

ROC - Hey Lu, isn't the "wet-look" for guys?

LL - Oh boy, here we go again. [click] Ren, the fuckable look is for everybody. Men, women, gay. straight and every plebeian in between.

ROC - Yeah, but don't men usually get off on that more?

LL - You haven't seen On Our Backs lately, have you?

ROC - No, seriously, [click] I need to know who I'm posing for. I'm not like you who can "become" the character.

LL - You mean my Hornie Little Slut routine?

ROC [laughs] - Yeah!

LL - Okay, okay, hold on a sec.

Lucy runs back into the house and returns moments later. She hands Renee a pair of eye glasses and a book.

LL - Here. Put on the glasses and pretend you're reading a book. You're sure to be an Official Dykon now.

ROC - Hey! this will work! Now I can pose for everybody!!!

[click][click][click][click][click][click][click][click][click][click]


End file.
